A brighter side. . .

I'm feeling okay today. Each day is different, but it seems that I'm moving forward in the process of accepting that cancer is now a part of my life. I think I am going through a lot of grief about the losses that I am experiencing and that are yet to come. This is not a simple or easy journey. I am searching my heart for the strength to endure and the ability to find the brighter side in all of this. There must be some greater plan/reason for this to have happened in my life. Hopefully someday I will be able to understand what that is.

I have a lot to be grateful for and I know that. I have so much love and support and stories of survival pouring my way. I also have wonderful doctors. I emailed a local doctor here to request that he be my provider here in Nome. His response brought a deep feeling of gratitude for how lucky I am. There has been some concern expressed to me about the lack of resources here in Nome because its so small. I thought I would share this note from my new Dr. that could help you see one of the reasons I am so fortunate to be here, especially.

I am so sorry to hear about your cancer, Sasha. I've been thinking about you a lot and hope you're doing OK. I would be happy and honored to help you out as best I can on this end. Consider yourself a VIP (very important patient) from this moment forth. Call me anytime--really. I am not an expert on breast cancer, obviously, but I think I can provide what you need on this end with help from your Anchorage doctors. Who are your doctors in Anchorage? What are your plans for treatment so far? I'm so glad you have Mike in Anchorage for support. . . its the first time I have stopped wishing he were back here!

I can only imagine what you must be going through emotionally. I'm sure you have a lot of support here in town, but let me know if you need anything at all from me, medically or not. I'll be waiting to hear from you or your Anchorage docs otherwise.

Your comment "I've never really been a patient for much of anything and I'm not exactly sure how this works" was probably meant in terms of logistics, which actually is the easy part. For you, a healer, the tricky part might be figuring out how to be the person who needs to experience the healing, to let go of everything that isn't important and just focus on taking care of yourself.

I'll call you Thursday or Friday. My home number is. . . if you need to call me at home. Really, do feel free to contact me any time. I promise you will never be bugging me. Thank you for asking me to be one of your partners on this difficult journey.

In addition, I also received a phone call directly from my doctor in Anchorage today to ask me how I was doing and if I had any further questions or concerns at this time that I wanted to talk about. I don't know how much better things could be.