"Tomorrow, stronger"

Today was the best day yet. The pain continues and is lasting much longer than I thought it would, but it does improve each day just a little bit. It is now 6 days post surgery and I am far from "recovered," but I'm closer. My friend Greta shared this story in an email recently that has really helped me recognize each small improvement. . .

When Laurent's ex-mother-in-law lived in Ambler with the old-fashioned, Native elders back in the 60's, she was learning to sew caribou skin. Each time she would finish a project and show it to them, they would examine it carefully and quietly, then look to her with a gentle smile and say, "next time, better". It always pushed her forward to improve while not crushing her joy of learning. I think it is a beautiful mantra, in other ways too, like, "Tomorrow, stronger". That is what I'll say to myself when thinking of you as each day passes. Each day, a little better.

I think of this everyday, and everyday it does ring true. I so appreciate this sort of perspective and thought and will do my best to keep it with me.

Another thing I appreciate is laughing. . . today I laughed particularly hard about this. . . Without giving too much unneccessary detail I will just say that there is a lot of fluid build up at my mastectomy site. My chest has been slowly filling up with excess fluid since my drains were taken out a couple days after surgery. Its normal and it will go away, but right now there is so much that the left side of my chest is almost back to its normal breast size. Under a shirt, it actually looks like I might still have a breast. Mike was teasing today saying, "now don't get too attached to that fluid, I don't think its going to last. . . wishful thinking might help, but I wouldn't count on it. . . " Then my mom says, "maybe she's a medical miracle and she's growing her breast back?" Maybe you had to be there, but it sure got us all laughing pretty good. Ha!

Before I end, I just want to say that I hope that my challenge, my pain, my burden, my difficulty. . . I hope that all of this doesn't become yours. I hope that the cancer in my life doesn't infest your life too. I spoke with my oldest and certainly one of my dearest friends today and I realized just how much this is affecting her. I don't want that for her or for anyone. I realize that people are dealing with their own feelings about all of this, but please, please, don't let this cancer mess up your day. The fact that its messing up mine right now is more than enough. Please stay positive and hopeful and just don't let this bring you down!


Here is a photo of my friend Greta, beautiful gal on the left. Also in the picture is Millie, another dear friend I found in Nome. The other picture is of Greta's sweetie, Laurent (from the story above) and their son, Florian taking a bath in my kitchen sink.