My 29th Year

On September 10th I turned 29. I have to admit, this birthday was not exactly an exciting anticipation. Not only is it hard to really digest the fact that I am actually 29 years old, but my life is also nowhere near where I thought it might be at this age. There were so many different expectations that I had of myself that I simply have not met. It was also sort of strange to have a birthday in the midst of this cancer journey. Somehow it just doesn't feel like the right time for a birthday, if that makes any sense at all. I guess it might be that I'm feeling like everything is moving so fast and I'm just not keeping up the pace. I'm not ready for another year to have passed I suppose. But, I realize that having breast cancer (or not) would probably not make much difference in that feeling. With each year that passes, things seem to move a little faster. However, having breast cancer certainly does effect how I feel about this age and this time of my life.

I feel like an old woman and a little girl at the same time. I am bald. I am scared. I don't feel like myself. I don't look like myself. I am sad more often than I'd like to be. . . . BUT. . . . I am also tremendously grateful. I am discovering my truest self. I am not giving up. I am a hopeful work in progress. And, I am surrounded with more love than one person deserves.

My birthday landed on a Sunday this year, but I got to celebrate all weekend. On Saturday, my friends Seiji and Liz invited me over for a sushi party.
Seiji's mother, Satsuko "Susie", is Japanese and put out quite the spread. She and Liz worked for several hours to prepare dinner for 10 and we all also had the chance to make our own sushi rolls too. It was a beautiful and delicious meal. Although it wasn't done for my birthday, it sure felt like an awsome gift.


(Jason,Rawley, Andy,Buford)
Later that night, my friends Rawley, Jason, and Buford came over to play cards and sip on Strawberry Margaritas. Later we went out on the town and met up with Andy, Irvin, Dustin, and Johnnie. When midnight struck, I was sung Happy Birthday from these 7 guys. It was really sweet and quite a rare sight I think. I missed having girlfriends around, but these guys made up for it by treating me so special.

On my actual birthday, it was a beautiful, sunny day and I wanted to go to the beach and just relax on a blanket with my dogs and my book.


So, that is exactly what I did. Buford joined me too. Before the beach though I got phone calls from each of my brothers and my mom. It was really nice to hear from them and know that they remembered my birthday.

That night my friend Millie made dinner and a carrot cake for me. I had a nice evening with Millie, Andy, Devin, Ashley, Shayla, and Buford.


Buford had planned on making me a birthday cake, but when he decided to come to the beach with me, he called in a favor from some other friends. He actually got Dustin and Johnnie to make me a cake instead while he hung out with me on the beach.

So, I had not one, but two carrot cakes in my honor. How lucky am I? They were both delicious! I also got several cards and emails that were all very much appreciated. Birthdays are a big deal for me. I just feel strongly that it is one day that should really be celebrated. Being remembered by the people I love really meant a lot.

So, whether I was excited about this birthday or not, it happened anyway and it happened well. I have a lot of goodness in my life. . . .