A moment at home

I arrived back to Nome yesterday afternoon after flying all day and having a quick sleep over in Anchorage. Over the past two weeks I've been on the go with family and friends in Boise, Vegas, and St. George. Christmas week we had a family reunion and it was so awsome! Despite a little normal family stress I had a wonderful time. I hope everyone else did too! All the kids are getting so big and are really growing up to be great people. I'll get some pictures up soon. As usual, I was relieved to get home. Although it was scary cold at 24 degrees below zero, it was still pretty grand to be back in Nome. There is really nothing quite like this little place. The pace is so amazingly laid back, there are familiar faces at every turn, no traffic, and its where my home is. Seeing all my animals was the best. I truly do love their company. Its going to be so rough being away from them for 2 months. I'm here for just 3 more days before I head back to Anchorage, so I'm soaking up simply being at home and relaxing with my kids.

Its been just over a month since my last chemo treatment and the time off has been pretty darn great. I've almost forgotten even the roughest moments during the past 6 months. What a wonderful thing time is. It does seem to go by way too fast, but with it comes growth, shape, reinvention. . . and in my case, much welcomed memory loss.

I've been struggling a bit with some pain. I've been having some fairly serious neuropathy in my arms, hands, and feet. Its like when your hand falls asleep, but times about 20. It is hardest at night. This syptom is typical during chemo, and I did experience it a little, but it seems worst now. It started about 3 weeks ago and has gotten progessively worst. I pop Ibuprofen like candy and it helps most of the day, but at night I can't seem to find relief. Hopefully this will pass.

I'm heading back to Anchorage to begin what I've decided to call my "Radiation Vacation". I guess I'm just trying to put a positive spin on it. Although I'm not looking forward to being away from home and from my animals for so long, I am trying to see the good in the situation. What I've found is that I have this amazing opportunity to have almost nothing to focus on but me, myself, and I.

I won't be working, I won't have my house and all the distractions/responsibilities that come along with that, I won't have my animals and the chores that come with them, I won't have my familiar comfort zone that sometimes allows me to simply exist with almost no effort. . . . . What I will have is a short doctor appointment 5 days a week and TIME. More than I've ever really had. And with that time, I've set some goals for myself. Part of me wants to keep these goals to myself, but another part of me says that if I share them here it makes me even more accountable to them.

First and foremost my goal is to stay positive and well during radiation. I anticipate it being a much easier road than chemo, as it is for most, but I realize that there is still the possibility of tiredness and fatigue. I'm determined not to let that get me down. I figure even if those side effects hit me hard (like it seemed all the chemo side effects did), I will have plenty of time to take care of myself and rest if I need to. My hope is that I will have the energy (and I'm just about certain that I will) to also begin working toward some other goals.

The next big one for me is to really face my weight and health and start moving again. I've struggled with my weight for about 10 years now, going up and down several times and spending way too much time in give up mode. I've spent my entire 20's fat and I have almost given up the idea that I can be thinner and healthy. It seems so far away, now more than ever. The personal drama and defeat that comes with all this extra weight on my body is immense and I'm so tired of it! I want my 30's to be a different story.

I am going to really try to jumpstart my quest to trim down and be a healthier person this next two months by utilizing all this extra time I'll have to develop a routine that includes exercise, yoga, healthy eating, and meditation. Its far too easy for me to be too busy for all of these things. Although they are really important to me, I've certainly wavered with my commitment to them (i.e. to myself) through the years and I want it to change. With this "Radiation Vacation" I am being given the gift of time and a rare opportunity to get focused and committed just long enough that maybe I can form some new lifestyle habits that I can then carry on with more success. This is my hope. . . my goal. Please wish me luck!

Please keep me in your thoughts as I start this next road. I'll keep you posted about how things go. Monday is Tattoo day. Too bad its nothing fun. Oh well, I'll save a fun one for when this is all over.

I sure hope that you enjoyed the holidays. Thank you to everyone who sent Christmas cards to me. Getting home to a mailbox full of all those great pictures and messages was a real treat! I wish you lots of joy in 2007!

Love, Sasha