two years later

yesterday was the two year mark since my diagnosis of breast cancer. it feels like a dream. i just read my post from last year and i'm struck by all that i had to say. this year, i feel that i have very little to say. i thought about writing yesterday, but felt this loss for words that i still feel today, so avoided it. for some reason though i guess i just want to say it out loud. its been two long years and i'm here and i'm okay. i'm happy most days. i'm grateful everyday. i'm still fighting with my apparent inability to lose weight, i still feel sad a lot, i am living i life i truly never imagined i would, i'm not as angry as i want to be sometimes, i'm working hard at celebrating who i am NO MATTER WHAT, and i'm hopeful about all sorts of things in my future. not the least of which is the decision that i've made to have breast reconstruction. more to tell another time, but i will say this, i'm excited about it and for a very long time, i didn't know if i ever would be. i wonder how many years it will be before i forget the significance of may 4th?