"your surgery has been authorized"

was what i heard today during a phone call with the patient services coordinator for my doctor in seattle. she said it calmly and matter of factly as if it were just a simple, given, detail. in no way did her tone convey the immense struggle i have had to get to this point. did she not know? anyway, because this sentence was uttered with such nonchalance i almost didn't grasp it. after a year of fighting with my insurance company to authorize breast reconstruction, could it really be that it was as simple as "your surgery has been authorized"? was that supposed to be enough for me to believe it? there are so many details about the ups and downs of getting to this approval, but i will spare you. bottom line is that it has slowly pieced together and is finally APPROVED!

i am definitely excited and ready to do this, but i'm also sort of dazed and have been experiencing a fairly surreal day. this is a HUGE part of re-gaining some of myself as a woman. if i could really explain it i would, but i can't. losing my breasts was and still is a very painful issue and one that i couldn't even really face for a long time. when i finally got through the cancer treatment and started trying to move forward and on with my life, the feelings about this loss became much more present and unavoidable. it was over a year ago now that i decided i wanted to move forward with getting reconstruction and since then, its been one hurdle after another. but, i suppose that in some ways it makes today even sweeter. i truly appreciate this chance to re-build my body and i'm hopeful about how this physical change will manifest in other areas of my life.

though i am excited, i'm also pretty scared. this is no simple surgery and there are a number of complications that are possible. this surgery will be more taxing and intense than my other two put together. first of all, i'll be away from home, in seattle. i will be in the ICU for 2 days following the procedure and then another 3-5 days on the general floor. i will also need to stay in a hotel for 10-14 days after my hospital stay because i'll have frequent follow up appts. until the drains are removed. total recovery time is between 6 and 8 weeks. though i'm not disappointed about missing work for a while, i am wondering how i'll get through that time. what sort of help or assistance will i need? will i be able to take care of my dogs (and erik's too since i have them 2 weeks a month)?

i'm considering spending some recovery time in idaho at my mom's place or maybe in utah with nolan. they are both medical people so i know they could help me with what i need, but it would also be nice to take advantage of the time off and be closer to my family and friends for a little while. in theory that sounds good, but i also wonder if i'm just going to want to be home and in my own space. how long will i be in pain i wonder?

anyway, my surgery is at the university of washington medical center in seattle on april 23rd.

yay.