Uh!

My uncle Eric, my mother's older brother, recently visited Idaho and Utah. I wasn't there for his visit, but my sister-in-law, Cerra was and she brilliantly filmed a little clip of Eric doing a some dancing while he was visiting with my brother, Dillon. Everytime I watch this I seem to crack up a little more. Maybe you have to know my uncle Eric to appreciate this clip, but really, I don't think so. He's just a cute old guy with some rockin' moves. I love it and am pretty sure you will too. Enjoy!

Kids say funny things

Losing my hair has been less difficult than I had imagined. Don't get me wrong, it is strange and I'm still rather shocked when I look in the mirror. But, surprisingly, I'm just not that bothered by it. I'm far less self-conscious about it than I expected and actually, I'm enjoying the ease of getting ready in the morning with no hair. My favorite part of all of this though is some of the reactions I get from kids. Here are a few examples that I can remember. . .

7 year old girl - After a couple of days, spending quite a bit of time together, she says to me, "Could you put something on your head. I'm getting tired of looking at it so bald." (said with a smile)

12 year old boy - When his parents mentioned to him that I had lost my hair, (just to prepare him before seeing me) he turns to them and says, "I'll just tell her that's okay and let her know I have the same problem down there" (as he gestures toward his pants)

6 year old girl - After asking me why I didn't have any hair and hearing me say, "I'm kind of sick and need to take medicine that makes my hair fall out", she says, "Well you look sorta wierd, but you're still pretty to me"

5 year old girl - She knows that I am "sick" and take medicine that makes my hair fall out from her parents, so she says to me, "I can watch your chiwala (chihuahua) when you take your hair medicine"

2 1/2 year old girl - As she sits on my lap she begins rubbing the top of my head and says, "You have no hair. . . but, you have eyes and those things" (as she points to my eyes and eyebrows)

3 year old boy - Although he's seen me several times with no hair and has never so much as looked twice, he sees me again as if its the first time, and says "Hey, you have no hair. . . it went bye bye?"

You've got to love the purity and honesty of kids. . . .

A night at the beach

Its been rainy the past couple of days, but tonight, right about quitting time, at 5pm, the sun came out in all her glory.


The boys and I headed to the beach for a long walk, a little dip, and just some relaxing in the sun. It was great!



Later, I had dinner with my friends Owen and Wayne. Their son Tyler, who is not quite 3 came home from fishing with his dad extremely excited about the flounder that he caught. They are bottom feeders like halibut so they aren't the prettiest things. They are typically kind of small and are usually tossed back. But, he was thrilled. His dad was able to get 4 tiny filets from it and his mom cooked it up. He generously shared his catch with everyone by hand feeding us little pieces, even baby brother Joe. So sweet!

Happily Home Again

After a week in bed, I did have a few more days of feeling pretty good in Anchorage. I had a chance to help Mike with his new house a little before I left, which made me feel good after all that he does for me. We got his apartment packed and moved on Saturday with the help of his friend Meghan and his sister Kate and brother-in-law Dwayne. We also did some paint shopping and settled on colors for almost all the rooms. Still pondering the living room. We did get a couple of rooms painted though. He has a huge raspberry patch in his yard so after moving on Saturday we picked a couple bowls full and had them over ice cream later that night. They were spectacular. Its always fun eating something that you've plucked off a vine yourself. So, next time I'm in Anchorage Mike will be all moved into his new place and I gotta say I'm pretty excited about staying there. Its a nice house with a gorgeous, wooded lot and an excellent view. His apartment was great, but it was on a busy corner so it was never really quiet. The house is much more secluded and peaceful so it will be a treat to stay there.

I made it back to Nome this morning about 11am. Its been raining for the entire time that I was in Anchorage so I wasn't too hopeful for good weather in Nome. But, as the plane was making its descent along the coast before Nome, it was truly spectacular. Something about this place seems to be that when its good, its great. The beauty of this region just can't be compared to anything that I've ever known. So, the ocean was glistening and the bare shoreline truly brought me home. I could feel it through my body how excited I was to be back. Its been almost a month since I left so the reunion with the dogs was extra fabulous. They always seem to put on some weight when I leave though, so I was a little surprised and Henry's 4 lb. frame carrying what looked to be at least another 2 lbs. Wow. Diet starts tomorrow. Poor little FAT baby! Got home and cleaned up a little bit. The fur bunnies running around the house were fierce. After a month of Duke not getting brushed and the house not getting cleaned too much you can imagine. I considered knitting a sweater with the fur I collected, but after some thought just threw it out. I also weed wacked my yard today. I have a small patch of grass and no lawn mower so the weed wacker has to do. It ends up a bit patchy and uneven, but it works. I'm one of only a handful of yards in Nome, so I'm not feeling too bad that it isn't perfectly groomed. The smell of cut grass is one of my favorites. It really is the smell of summer to me so getting that done today made summer stay alive a little longer. It was so so so gorgeous outside that I couldn't bring myself to go inside and unpack. Instead, I loaded the dogs up and we headed out about 30 miles along the coast to Solomon where my friend Kirsten is working on rebuilding her cabin. Had a nice day in the sunshine, picking/eating salmon berries, picnicing, and watching the dogs roam around. Back to work tomorrow at last and I'm actually really looking forward to it. Sad, but true, I've only got 10 more days until my next chemo. My oncologist wants me to come back to Anchorage for this one even though its my turn to have it in Nome. Since I've had so many problems with my chemo, he just thinks its a better idea. I'm not sold and would rather be home with my boys so I'm going to rally for myself tomorrow and try to get my appt. changed to be here. That's all for now. . . Be Well!

I'm feeling much better!

To tell you the truth I wasn't all that hopeful about my appt. with the oncologist yesterday. I think I had just gotten to the point that I wasn't sure anything was going to help except time. I actually saw a different doctor than my usual one becuase he is on vacation. She was a really great woman who sensitively considered what I was going through and what I needed. She tried a different route of pain relief through what is actually used as an anti-anxiety or anti-nausea med and it helped. She also recommended Excedrin migraine pills and to drink a coca-cola for the next few days. Caffeine actually has quite a powerful affect on a headache I guess. So, almost 24 hours later and with those recommendations, I am feeling somewhat normal again. I'm out of bed and actually functioning productively. Oh my gosh it feels good!! She wants me to take it easy and stay in Anchorage for another couple of days just to make sure that the problems I was having do not persist. So, although I am ready to get home, I will take the advice and stay close. Anything to avoid having those issues again! And so the benefit is now that I get to actually enjoy a couple of days with Mike, especially since he endured me laying around like a zombie the past 6 days. Cheers to a couple good weeks and a better chemo #4. Only 5 more left. . .

And still, there's a vacation. . .

As long as I'm laying here in bed, I thought I'd try to get some notes up about my recent trip. Really, one should only be so lucky to be able to still get to go on vacation and really play in the midst of cancer treatment. I am fortunate and I absolutely know it. This trip was not without its fair share of anxiety though, which is not a feeling I have much experience with. I can typically just do and go and be whenever and however I want. This trip was planned, postponed, and planned again with still no surity of it happening up until the very day before I departed. I was one week out from my 2nd chemo treatment when I left and that week had been so difficult. The cloud of nausea and fatigue lifted though and I was in really good shape by the time I had to travel.

I arrived late into LAX and ended up waiting over two hours for the car rental shuttle bus. I was patient and thankfully had gotten some sleep on the plane so I wasn't too tired. There were problems with other customers from the same rental place that night too so when I finally got to the office for my car I was in line behind several others in the same situation. I think I was just so glad to be on the trip that none of it really phased me. I just waited my turn and in the end it paid off pretty well. To compensate me for my delay, which was now over 3 hours, they upgraded me to a brand new silver Mustang convertible. This proved to be a really fun bonus to my week in California. There is just something about cruising in a convertible with the sunshine and wind all around you. Not having hair was especially useful this week too. I could see the jealous faces of other women in convertibles who couldn't keep their manes controlled. Ha.

I got to my friend Joelle's house in the wee hours of the morning and got to visit with her and her oldest son, Jason for a little while. No matter what, I know that I always have a welcome place to go with Joelle. Seeing her and her family really is like going home. The next day Joelle planned for all our girlfriends and their kids to meet up at her house. Kacey and her 3 year old Jaxon;
Heidi and her twin 11 year old boys, Byron and Cameron, as well as their newest addition, 2 week old Preston;
Jamie and her daughters Jestena, 8 and Isabella, 2 1/2; and then of course Joelle and her kids, 9 year old Jason,

7 year old Jade,
and 9 month old Jesse.

Tricia and I were the only gals without kids, but there were plenty to keep us all busy. I know I might be a little biased because I just love these women and their kids so much, but seriously, have you ever seen such a gorgeous group of little people? They are all just so beautiful and truly have such fantastic personalities. I have so much fun seeing them each year and I just can't believe how big they have all gotten.

That night, the kids stayed with their dads and the girls got a chance to go out. Our friend Lynette unexpectedly joined the group for dinner too, so that was a great surprise that was worth waiting for. And Tracy made it too. We ended up at Don Cuco's mexican restaurant (again) and had a fun night with lots of talking, laughing, and crying. It seems that this past year has brought a lot of emotional circumstances for all of us so we had a lot of catching up and reconnecting to do.

Then, February '04

And Now, July '06


The next day Lynette, Joelle, and I hung around the house with the kids and then went up to Joelle's mom's house for a swim. That house holds a lot of memories for me during my time in highschool so being there again after several years was really nice. I got a chance to visit with Mary Jo and connect with her in a way that I haven't in so long. She is such a loving and supportive person, and although my time in her life was brief, she has always made me feel like a very special person and this trip was no different. That night some of the girls met up again for dinner at the new Scarantino's restaurant in Pasadena. We ended with dessert at the original Glendale Scarantino's so we could visit again with Jamie who had to work that night. When we got back to Joelle's, Joellen was in town on her way to Romy's wedding, so she came over for a while and visited until the early morning. It was simply impossible to get to bed before 2am.

The next morning I left Joelle's early with Erik. I don't know why exactly, but I didn't get a wink of sleep. I think I was excited about seeing Erik, about the wedding, and was just on a general high from the past two busy days with my girlfriends. In any case, at 6am we were on the road. Erik drove to Glendale to meet me and then we drove together up to Santa Barbara for Romy's wedding. We rented this funky little hippy cabin on a family ranch in the hills above Santa Barbara. It was tiny and cute with an outdoor shower, nice deck with lush plants, and a surprisingly nice little outhouse.
It was pet friendly too so Erik's dogs Rosco, and the newest little guy, Frank, got to join us. We were all pretty tired when we arrived so we took a nap and woke up just in time to get ready to head down the hill for the wedding in neighboring Carpinteria.


This wedding was truly one of the most beautiful celebrations of life and love that I have ever been witness to. It was so geniusly planned by the perfectly creative and talented Romy and those in attendance were only the closest friends and family.

Everyone that was there really knew and loved them both. I can honestly say that the friendship, respect, admiration, and love for them was felt deeply by everyone there.
Even though we didn't all know eachother, there was a common thread and understanding that came just because we all knew Ben and Romy. I think that anyone would agree that this was a night more special than could even be anticipated. I am so glad I didn't miss it!

Romy looked AMAZING! Again, I know that I may be biased because I love this woman so much, but seriously, she looked so incredible it honestly took my breath away. I was a sobbing mess throughout the ceremony and only barely composed myself by the time Ben and Romy came back out for the reception. Ben was equally as stunning as Romy. He looked so handsome in his subtle orange pinstriped suit and his happiness was oozing out to make him shine, just like Romy. This wedding was 10 years in the making and I must say that it was absolutely worth the wait. Romy's sister, Gabby, also a dear friend of mine, performed the ceremony beautifully. Her words were so thoughtful, so true, and the love she has for them was so very evident. When it came time for Ben and Romy to share something personal with eachother they leaned in to whipser it. It was so sweet and endearing and was exactly Romy. Of course, I and others I'm sure, wanted to hear those words, but I was so happy to see her have this day just as she wanted it, just as it should be. Romy is a quiet and reserved person in many ways and so she held true to that. The whispered part of the ceremony was really something to remember. The setting for the ceremony and reception was on the lawn of a restaurant just past the train tracks and sandy beach.

During the ceremony a train actually came through and really, I think it added something. Romy paused perfectly as if it was planned. After they said their "I do's" Romy and Ben turned around with excitement and cheers. It was so moving to finally be a part of this representation of commitment to one another. I just can't thank you both enough for sharing such a special day with all of us. (You've definitely changed my perspective on eloping.)

There was a sandbox adorned with buckets and shovels for the kids and the bright Gerber daisies on the tables absolutely felt like summertime bliss. I cannot say enough how gorgeous everything turned out. Appetizers, drinks, and a great dinner was served and then we had fun dancing for a few hours.


Romy was as happy as I've ever seen her and that was a wonderful thing for me to be a part of. Seeing her family, who I grew up with in my teens, was an awsome bonus too. Her mom and dad looked and were just as I remembered them with their arms wide open to give me love. I also got a chance to see her aunt and uncle again after so many years. Although we don't know eachother well, they have always seemed to keep an interest in me just because of what a good friendship Romy and I have always had. They were very loving and supportive toward me and I hope they know how much I appreciated it.
And then, Gabby. . . almost as close as Romy and I were years ago, but for some reason we didn't stay in touch the same way. Seeing her again sure didn't feel like 10 years had passed. I'm sorry we didn't get more time together Gabby, but I definitely loved the little bit that we did get. You look fantastic and seem so alive and happy. I'm so glad for you. . . and in case I didn't mention it, you performed a wonderfully perfect ceremony!

The next day Erik and I actually got to meet up with Ben and Romy for a little while on the beach before they headed off to their honeymoon in Fiji. Of course I wished for more time with my friend, but I was really happy to get that small moment. Even as small and intimate as the wedding was, I still didn't get as much individual time as I wanted, so getting a brief moment to connect the day after on the beach was really nice. Erik and I spent the rest of the weekend relaxing at the cabin and on the beach. We went on a little hike to what we were told was a "swimming hole" but what instead turned out to be a fairly stagnate, mosquito infested, poison oak haven of a pond. Certainly didn't add up to the description we were given by the ranch owners, but nice to be outside in the hills anyway. I'm afraid that after nearly 4 years in Alaska, wilderness just has a whole new standard.

Monday morning, Erik and I headed back to Glendale to pick up his truck and drop off my rental car. I said goodbye to Joelle, Jason, and the kids, and then went with Erik to his aunt's house in Orange County. We had a relaxing evening with dinner at Olive Garden (the one chain restaurant that I just can't deny that I love) and then a soak in the hot tub with Erik's sister, Kara and boyfriend, Mike. We were up early and Erik dropped me off at the airport Tuesday morning for me to make my way to Boise.

My girlfriend Nikki and her dog Jake picked me up at the airport. Sweet, thoughtful Nikki had a blueberry Jamba Juice smoothie ready for me too. Yummy. She is 6 months pregnant now so keeping my hands off her cute little growing belly was a task. She looked so so great! We drove straight up to my mom's house in Weiser, about an hour and a half away. Nikki and I helped my mom with some stuff around the house and then just relaxed together. We had a really nice visit and she and Jake spent the night.

The next day Nikki left in the morning after breakfast and mom and I spent some time in search of some water to swim in. The temps were close to 100 degrees while I was there so I was in desperate need of getting wet. We went to a little pond on a friend's property and had a little canoe trip around. We thought we'd get in, but the water was just a little too murky so we passed. We continued on in quest of water about 20 miles further to Steck Park. I thought mom was taking me to the Weiser river, but when we ended up at the resevoir, she said, "well, I don't know where the Weiser river is actually." Good to know after a bumpy 20 mile ride to yet another murky swimming spot. It was okay though. We had a pretty drive and a nice visit. . . but still no swim.

That afternoon we headed to Boise to pick up Dillon and Cerra who were set to arrive on the evening flight. Nikki had us over for a BBQ and I got a chance to see my friend Brian for a while too. We went to pick up Dillon and Cerra at 10pm only to find that their flight had been cancelled and they weren't coming in until 11am the next day. So, home we went. We went to bed and woke up the next morning just in time to head back to Boise to really pick them up, which we thankfully were able to do. We took a long drive home on the old highway, stopping in one of my favorite little towns, Horseshoe Bend, for lunch.

The next day my cousin Carol, her husband Brad, and their 4 kids, Michelle 6, Lindy 5, Christopher 3, and Anthony 3 months were on their way up from Utah. They took the 7+ hour drive just to come and spend a couple of nights while I was in town. During the day, mom and I went looking for a inflatable swimming pool, but had no luck. So, while Dillon and Cerra ran some errands mom and I stayed home to build a pool. Mom had said that we could build something from the start, but truth be told, I just didn't buy it. At this point I was desperate to try anything though. So, we stacked hay bales in a rectangle and lined it with a new heavy tarp and filled it with water from the hose. It worked famously. Really, it was so much better than you can even imagine. We ended up with a really nice sized pool that kept us cooled off the whole weekend.

When Dillon and Cerra got home, mom and I had just finished filling it up and were laying poolside giddy with excitement to show them our masterpiece. Cerra changed clothes and joined us in the water and Dillon hung out in the shade of the peach tree next to us.
The water comes from about a hundred feet down so it was extremely cold. So cold that we actually had a hard time staying in the water for very long.

Cerra and I got silly and had a little swim/dive meet followed by a little pool wrestling. Something about water just brings the kid out in you. I think that is why I just love it so much.

Building this pool and just having fun with Dillon, Cerra, and my mom was probably one of the best moments of this trip. We really had a good time that night!



Carol and her family arrived later that evening. Their kids have all grown so much in the past two years since I saw them last. I can't even begin to talk about the beautiful and amazingness of these kids. They are just such special people who I love more than they could know. It was so fun seeing you guys and getting to know you even more as you are growing up. You all are just so cute that you're lucky I didn't eat you up!


They were as sweet and happy as ever and instantly made EVERYTHING better by being there. We had a really fun night BBQing, laughing and playing around the house. The kids just love uncle Dillon and had their usual fun taking turns giving him rides around the house.

Finally we got to bed, but I wasn't sleeping well so I had my light on and the next thing I knew Carol was there with me. We ended up laying in bed together visiting until 4 in the morning. We have always had a very special bond and being close to her is just good for me.

We were up early at 7am the next day and I must say that Carol and I did pretty well for only getting 3 hours of sleep.

We spent the day playing with the horses and swimming.

Michelle is quite the little horsewoman and could hardly wait to get going.

She and Cerra had a nice little ride together and Michelle shined with her natural ability.

My time was spent closer to the pool most of the day and it was great!

That night, Cerra's dad and step-mom as well as my friends Jim and Nikki, drove up from Boise for a visit.

Later that night, my friends Alethea and Eric along with their two kids, Ella 2, and Isaak 9 months, arrived from Utah just in time to have a bath and get to bed. It was so awsome to be in the company of so many people I love. Thank you everyone for taking the time to visit!

Carol and her family had to head home the next morning, but not without some goat riding first. We had some more fun before saying goodbye.

Alethea and Eric's daughter, Ella, just 2 years old, absolutely loved the animals and rode that goat around with ease.
That little girl had no fear either. She was climbing the round pen without a care in the world. So cute! Mom also left with Dillon and Cerra that afternoon to take them back for their flight home.

Alethea, Eric, the kids, and I spent the day splashing around in that geniusly designed pool (thanks again momma).


The kids got more water time in the tub before we headed out for a mexican dinner.

And later we enjoyed the beautiful Weiser sunset together before they left for their 5 hour drive home late Sunday night.


Although I didn't get a ton of time with everyone, I sure appreciated what I did get. It just meant the world to have you all there. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart, for taking the time, energy, and expense to come up for this visit.

Mom and I were able to relax together and do some errands on Monday and that night we went for a beautiful sunset drive toward McCall.


Mom, you are a wonderful woman who I love and adore. Thank you so much for everything from our late night talks to the amazing construction of the pool to everything you did to host all our visitors. You made everyone comfortable and welcome as only you know how to do. I had a wonderful visit with you and miss you already. . . Sadly, I didn't even get one picture of you and I, so here's a few of my favorites from your trip up to Alaska last summer. Speaking of good times. . .


"The Last Train to Nowhere" - Nome, AK

West Beach sunset - Nome, AK

Little Susitna river

Portage Glacier

Skinny dipping fools - Salmon Lake, Nome

Hatcher Pass


The one thing desperately missing from my time in Idaho was my little bro Nolan. Unfortunately, it was his turn to cover shifts for work from the time off that he had with me in Alaska. We all surely missed you Noley! Next time we'll all make it together I hope.


I left Boise Tuesday afternoon and arrived in Anchorage that night, greeted by Mike. Chemo was the following morning and you know how that story goes from my previous post. Still no improvement by the way. But, despite the misery that I'm feeling now, the good times have been plenty and they do keep me hoping. . .

Just one more picture to share. . . a little blast from the past when Nolan and I surprised Dillon and Mom for Christmas 2003. Now, that was a good day! Love you guys. . .


Peace and Love. . .

Chemo #3

Its been 5 days since my 3rd chemo dose and I'm still in Anchorage and still in bed. I was given another new anti-nausea med which did seem to alleviate the extreme nausea like I had last time. Unfortunately, I seemed to trade in the nausea for a migraine. The day following chemo, Thursday, my head hurt in the morning and just got progressively worst throughout the day. It was throbbing, felt like it was going to split open, my eye sockets hurt, and I was sensitive to the light. I ended up taking a cab to the ER that afternoon where they decided to draw blood, give me a CAT scan, and do a spinal tap before ever even trying anything to reduce the pain. Eventually they gave me a shot of Imitrex, which proved unhelpful and last they gave me morphiene which took the headache away almost instantly. By that time I had had a severe migraine for about 11 hours. I left the ER feeling a little woozy, but without a headache. I went to bed and slept well. The next morning I woke up with another throbbing headache. It was different than the day before though. It felt like extreme pressure and was markedly worst when I was sitting up or standing. As long as I remained laying down, it seemed to be at least bearable. The ER doctor and Mike both told me about the possibility of a headache from the spinal tap and I knew that I just needed to lay flat and let it pass. Friday it didn't pass and Saturday was worst than ever. In addition to the pressured headache I was also experiencing a lot of nausea. Whether it was from the chemo or the headache or the pain killers I don't know. Sunday morning the headache was still persistent so Mike took me back to the ER. The doctor felt like it was clearly a result of the spinal tap and explained that the way to alleviate it was to do a blood patch. The way I understand it is that when the spinal tap was done the fluid in my back didn't fill back in the way its supposed to so the blood patch is simply injecting my back with my own blood to fill in that space. . . or something like that. Seemed simple enough, but unfortunately it didn't fix the problem (which they said sometimes happens). The anesthesiologist wasn't exactly gentle either. He injected the numbing medicine three times and tried the blood injection four times, all of which I felt extremely well. He didn't take the time to position me with anything for balance aside from an ER tech who was doing his best to keep me from falling over as I screamed in agony while trying to curl my back in the position the doctor needed. I was dripping sweat, felt like I was going to pass out, puke, or both and now my back and my head hurt. I was shaking like a leaf for quite a while after the procedure. They layed me back down and gave me IV fluids, but still no relief. In the end, they gave me some more morphiene and sent me home in worst shape than when I arrived. The headache is still here. The only relief is that it is positional and as long as I stay flat on my back I am not in extreme pain. The pain medication doesn't seem to do all that much besides make me feel sick and knock me out. Like clockwork though I wake up 3-4 after taking a pill, head pounding. I'm trying to be patient, but I'm feeling really miserable and helpless right now. Mike has been here for me and trying to do what he can, which has been emptying my puke bowl and keeping me supplied with water and watermelon (the only thing I really seem to want to eat). Kate took me to the chiropractor today because I thought that maybe an adjustment would help. It did provide some momentary relief, but the headache was back within minutes. The car ride there and back was torture that unfortunately wasn't worth the adjustment. I was supposed to go home to Nome on Saturday, which I changed to Monday, which I've now changed to an open ended return. I can't even sit up long enough to drive across town so I don't think getting on a plane is an option right now. All I can do is lay here and wait as patiently as I can. I have an appointment with my oncologist tomorrow so maybe relief will finally come?