Snow already?!

This morning, for the first time in a while, I got up really early. I slept well and actually felt like getting up at 5:15am. Its hard for me to get out of bed, but once I do, I absolutely love the morning time. I love how quiet and peaceful it is and how I feel like I have the world all to myself. So, I was feeling really good this morning. . . that is until I realized what had happened during the night. IT SNOWED!

Its only September 30th and I just think this isn't supposed to be happening yet. It didn't ruin my morning, but I must admit I wasn't exactly thrilled to see all that white stuff.

It didn't last long, but the fact that it came just reminds me how quick everything will be turning white and of the icy cold air that is so near. Oh well, I really do enjoy the winter, so I can't complain too much.

Chemo #5

On the 20th, I had my 5th round of chemo. It was the first of the new medicine Taxol, which was promised to be less difficulty than the Adrimycin and Cytoxin. Mike had the day off work and was able to take me for this treatment, which he's never been able to do before. Although I actually prefer to be alone during this time, his company proved to be really nice. He is very sensitive to my needs and doesn't push himself on me in any way. This treatment was delayed for a variety of reasons so by the time I finished I had been at the hospital for over 8 hours. But, when I left, I felt better than I've ever felt. Mike and I went for a long walk on the coastal trail and then out to dinner on a patio downtown. This wasn't even in my wildest dreams on a chemo day so to say I was thrilled is a bit of an understatement. It was looking like maybe this and the next 3 rounds would be much easier on me. The following two days were pretty good. I didn't get sick and the only side effects were a mild headache and a little vertigo on and off. I was in the clear I thought. What a relief to get through a round and not feel like the life was getting sucked out of me. By Friday night, just two days later, I was out with Mike and other friends to see a band, Barefoot Bluegrass, play at that university. It was a great show and even greater because I wasn't sick in bed missing it.

Unfortunately, by Saturday evening, I started experiencing pain in my bones and joints. I didn't understand why I was feeling that way, but Mike reminded me that the doctor had said that this was a side effect of this new medicine for some people. I didn't remember the doctor mentioning that, but Mike did, so at least this sudden and strange pain mad some sense. Since Saturday evening I've been experiencing a pretty consistent aching feeling in my bones that doesn't seem to be relieved by anything. This is far from anything that remotely touches the aftermath of the other treatments, but it is still very unpleasant. I am dealing with it and just crossing my fingers that it passes soon.

Just 3 more to go. . .

My 29th Year

On September 10th I turned 29. I have to admit, this birthday was not exactly an exciting anticipation. Not only is it hard to really digest the fact that I am actually 29 years old, but my life is also nowhere near where I thought it might be at this age. There were so many different expectations that I had of myself that I simply have not met. It was also sort of strange to have a birthday in the midst of this cancer journey. Somehow it just doesn't feel like the right time for a birthday, if that makes any sense at all. I guess it might be that I'm feeling like everything is moving so fast and I'm just not keeping up the pace. I'm not ready for another year to have passed I suppose. But, I realize that having breast cancer (or not) would probably not make much difference in that feeling. With each year that passes, things seem to move a little faster. However, having breast cancer certainly does effect how I feel about this age and this time of my life.

I feel like an old woman and a little girl at the same time. I am bald. I am scared. I don't feel like myself. I don't look like myself. I am sad more often than I'd like to be. . . . BUT. . . . I am also tremendously grateful. I am discovering my truest self. I am not giving up. I am a hopeful work in progress. And, I am surrounded with more love than one person deserves.

My birthday landed on a Sunday this year, but I got to celebrate all weekend. On Saturday, my friends Seiji and Liz invited me over for a sushi party.
Seiji's mother, Satsuko "Susie", is Japanese and put out quite the spread. She and Liz worked for several hours to prepare dinner for 10 and we all also had the chance to make our own sushi rolls too. It was a beautiful and delicious meal. Although it wasn't done for my birthday, it sure felt like an awsome gift.


(Jason,Rawley, Andy,Buford)
Later that night, my friends Rawley, Jason, and Buford came over to play cards and sip on Strawberry Margaritas. Later we went out on the town and met up with Andy, Irvin, Dustin, and Johnnie. When midnight struck, I was sung Happy Birthday from these 7 guys. It was really sweet and quite a rare sight I think. I missed having girlfriends around, but these guys made up for it by treating me so special.

On my actual birthday, it was a beautiful, sunny day and I wanted to go to the beach and just relax on a blanket with my dogs and my book.


So, that is exactly what I did. Buford joined me too. Before the beach though I got phone calls from each of my brothers and my mom. It was really nice to hear from them and know that they remembered my birthday.

That night my friend Millie made dinner and a carrot cake for me. I had a nice evening with Millie, Andy, Devin, Ashley, Shayla, and Buford.


Buford had planned on making me a birthday cake, but when he decided to come to the beach with me, he called in a favor from some other friends. He actually got Dustin and Johnnie to make me a cake instead while he hung out with me on the beach.

So, I had not one, but two carrot cakes in my honor. How lucky am I? They were both delicious! I also got several cards and emails that were all very much appreciated. Birthdays are a big deal for me. I just feel strongly that it is one day that should really be celebrated. Being remembered by the people I love really meant a lot.

So, whether I was excited about this birthday or not, it happened anyway and it happened well. I have a lot of goodness in my life. . . .

Video Clip Tips

Its pretty cool that we are in a time where we can shoot a video with our tiny little cameras and then upload to the web to share. But, it doesn't mean it isn't somewhat of a tedious process. Your internet connection may be quicker than mine here in Nome so this may not be as big of an issue for you. But, for me it takes what seems like forever to load these video clips. And while its loading you get little snippets of the video in choppy segments. So, this is what I do to avoid getting too frustrated. . . I push the play button and then when it says its loading I push the stop button. It will still load, but you won't have to deal with the choppy snippets while its doing it. I then minimize the screen and work on something else for a while. When you come back to it, you'll see the grey bar completely across the bottom and you'll know its fully loaded and ready to play. You can do this with multiple clips at the same time and then come back to it later.

By the number of posts I've had recently its clear that I have way too much time on my hands. Oh well, at least I have something to keep me a little occupied while I'm down. . .

Happy Birthday Sarah!

My friend, Sarah had her birthday a couple of weeks ago, but I've had some problems with this post and haven't been able to finish it until now.

Carol and Jim hosted a party at their home, the oldest building in Nome, and what used to be the Discovery Saloon. I love parties at their house because you can always count on music. Sarah was sung Happy Birthday with accordian music played by Carol. And later, Carl, Phil, Sarah, Nikki, and Bridie played guitar and sang songs together and individually. There is a ton of talent between these folks, as you'll soon see.


Here are a few video clips I thought you'd enjoy. These clips came from my camera and hardly do justice to these artists, but I think you can still get the feeling. As you will see the background noise and lighting were not within my control, but please take the time to let these videos load and then listen to how beautiful these voices are. (What a bummer. . . after loading these, I see that they really didn't turn out very well at all. You can't really see the people, but you can still hear the music. . . enjoy!)

Sarah is really talented and has actually recorded 3 albums. You can learn more about her and her music at her website
sarahchanson.com

Bridie on the other hand has yet to record an album, but desperately needs to (in my opinion and in everyone's opinion who's ever heard her music). She is outstanding! Here she is with Owen and Wayne's youngest son, Joe.



Sarah, thanks for sharing your day with us. . .

(I also got the video to load in the post "a night at the beach" in case you're interested)

Chemo #4 - Halfway There

I had my 4th round of chemo last Wednesday. I have hesitated to write about how I'm doing because I feel like a broken record. Each time is different, but basically each round has some varying degree of misery. I'm happy to say that this one has been better than the previous ones in terms of side effects though. I haven't been very sick and there was no major headache. However, I have still spent the better part of 5 days in bed. I just have no energy. I have never experienced such a thing and its really hard to try and explain. The days blur together so much that it hardly matters whether its day or night. I spend so much time resting that I begin to wonder if all this rest is making it worst. My mind and my body sort of begin to play tricks on me it seems. I wonder if I really feel as bad as I think I do. Could it really be possible to be so wiped out? So, I try to get up and I last about 10 minutes before I feel like I'm ready to collapse and I conclude that it must be possible. My body doesn't feel like my own right now. I'm sore from being so sedentary and I'm out of breath with just the smallest bit of activity. Considering the fact that I was far from "fit" before all this started, I wonder how I'll ever rise above when this is done. I am doing my best to be patient and take care of myself, but the feeling of defeat as I get through this first week after chemo feels like more than I can handle sometimes. I know it will pass somewhere inside of me, so I keep looking toward that. My next 4 rounds of chemo are a different kind of medicine that is supposed to be a little gentler than the kind used for my first 4 rounds so I'm also hopeful about that.

The weather has been incredible and although I haven't been out enjoying it nearly as much as I would like, I have been able to go on a short walk almost everyday. Today I took the dogs to the beach with intention to walk, but instead layed down on the sand and took a nap. It was really peaceful with the warm sun, sounds of the waves, and a light breeze. Duke finally woke me up by coming over and plopping his wet, sandy body right on top of me.

I love pictures, but since I don't have any to post from today, I thought I'd show you one from this time last year. It was actually a week or so later than now, but last September, Nome had its second "30 year storm". In October 2004 there was the biggest storm that Nome had seen in 30 years. We had flooding in most of the downtown shops, restaurants, etc. There were boulders and logs thrown up from the ocean onto our main road. And the waves were crashing at up to 30 feet above the shore line. The rivers were overflowing and some roads were even eroded away. It was quite incredible actually and went on for 2 days. I felt like I was in a National Geographic moment, or at least a once in a lifetime moment. But, to everyone's surprise, in September 2005 we saw almost the same storm again. This picture of my little pal Devin and I, was taken on the second day of it, when things were beginning to calm down. This is our main road running through town and it is covered with rocks and debris. We walked the shore line through town and beyond to just feel the wind and the waves. It was a pretty cool day. Its strange to see the sun shining so bright today and think about how different it was just last year this same time.




Hope you had a fun and safe Labor Day Weekend. . .

"Tomorrow, Stronger. . . "

For Alethea. . .

Wishing Alethea a spectacular birthday today. I hope your special day is filled with lots good things! I love you. . .