5th Avenue Moose

The other day while running errands I got one of those cool, "yeah, I live in Alaska" kind of moments. Driving downtown on 5th Avenue, looking for parking, I saw a beautiful moose taking a little walk right down the sidewalk. She stopped to munch on some trees and I found a parking spot. I went over to her to get a closer look and found myself unable to stop smiling as I watched her chomp away. She was just so cute. I didn't have my camera, but I met a nice man who emailed me a couple of his shots. This moose seemed so peaceful and relaxed, as if a stroll down 5th Avenue was just a part of any other day. Incredible.

Holiday Break, part family reunion

My family, after 7 years, was able to come together this Christmas for a reunion and it was awsome! This was the reason for my trip and it was well worth it. We were not without our moments of stress, but overall a wonderful visit that I enjoyed immensely! My uncle Alan moved to St. George, UT about 6 months ago and its where our family actually met up for a reunion 7 years ago. We all stayed at his house as well as several rented condos in the same timeshare complex. There were 35 people total and we came from California, Idaho, Utah, and Alaska. We went hiking, did plenty of swimming and soaking in the hot tub, went indoor go-kart racing (in which I took a very proud 2nd place against a bunch of tough guys who couldn't quite believe it), spent a day at Zion National Park, watched old home videos, played games, and had plenty of laughs. It was really something special to be surrounded by everyone and have so much love and hugs. I needed that boost and I appreciated it so much. I took a ton of pictures and still didn't manage to get enough. Its hard to get everyone in, but here are a few. I love you guys and miss you already! When and where is the next one? Idaho? Pismo maybe?

I went back to Vegas on New Year's Day and spent one more night there with Erik. We had a fun night and both headed home the next morning. He to San Diego, and I back to Nome. He was home in a couple of hours, but I didn't get home until almost 24 hours later. I had an overnight pit stop in Anchorage. Mike of course scooped me up at the airport, I caught a few zzzz's and then back to the airport in the am. Home at last just before noon. If/when I leave Nome I will not miss those long plane flights in and out. Thanks for a great reunion everyone. Love you lots!


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Is it a freckle or a tattoo?

IT'S A FRECKLE!!

There were supposed to be just 2 "long" days for radiation, before I would start my quick and painless 15 min. appts. daily. Well, its been 4 long days, with today being the longest and most frustrating of all. One of my tattoos turned out a little faint and very small. I pointed it out immediately and then on two other occasions as well. Each time I was told it was no problem. It seemed to me that if they were going to go to the trouble of tattooing me for the purpose of precise radiation therapy, they would want to be able to clearly see the tattoo. They assured me it was fine. I knew it wasn't and today they did too. I got all set up in my nest and had 2 of my 5 radiation rounds. When they were adjusting for the 3rd round, the tech noticed that she had lined up the beams with what she thought was my tattoo, but what turned out to actually be a freckle. "What happens now, I asked?" She said very little and left the room. Next, a doctor, whom I had not met and didn't even know existed, came back in the room to explain what happened. Apparently Dr. Chung (the greatest guy by the way) has an associate. Anyway, I knew what happened. Its what I worried would happen when I saw that measley little tattoo in the first place. I got zapped in the wrong spot and now they couldn't exactly just zap me in the right spot because that would be too much radiation for one day. The physicist came in to try and re-map me and make it work, but not so. They say they will make it up later. Hmm? Forced to lay as still as humanly possible with your arms raised above your head for close close to 2 hours WAS NOT PLEASANT! Its done though and tomorrow will no doubt be better, right?

Oh and just one more nugget to share. . . As my hair is growing in, I can't help but notice how it resembles the usual male patterened baldness. Its thickest on the sides and in the back, leaving the top a little more sparse. I've joked that I'm going to end up with a comb over and that I must look like a guy. Well, in all jest there is truth, right? Yes, apparently so. . . because yesterday, I was called a sir. This wasn't a passer by, but rather a cashier at Home Depot who looked right at me, had a conversation and ended our interaction by saying "Have a good day, sir". I laughed and cringed at the same time. Yes, this life is sweet. . .

Holiday Break, part Vegas

After Boise, I flew to Las Vegas where I met up with Erik. We flew in at almost the same time, both significantly delayed. My delay came with benefits though. I opted to get bumped in Boise and have a redirected flight through Salt Lake City, where I got a 3 hour lay over to spend with my brothers and sister-in-law. We got to have dinner together and hang out at Nolan's new apartment which I hadn't yet seen. It ended up being a really fun and unexpected stop. Nolan made up a story to Dillon and when he showed up to meet him for dinner he didn't know I would be there too so I got to surprise him. I love surprises!

Erik and I spent 3 nights in Vegas and had an awsome time. We were at the Hilton, which I definitely recommend in Vegas. Its a really nice hotel with a good casino. Its a little bit off the strip, but still accessible by monorail. And, the jacuzzi rocks. It was huge. The pool area was pretty posh in general. Although not being used a lot this time of year, you could see the potential. There were outdoor beds of all shapes and sizes to lounge on as well as little private tent/cabanas with couches and lounge chairs, fridges, stereos, and televisions. I can only imagine that it would be pretty fun in the summertime. But, the highlight of Vegas was not the hotel, but rather, the abslutely incredible, amazing, spectacular, Cirque du Soleil "Love" show. No doubt about it! My friend Romy wrote about the show on her blog after she saw it and I don't think I could explain it any better so I'm going to borrow her description. Erik and I were running late for the show and I don't even remember why now. But, we had to run through a couple of casinos and dart through traffic after hopping off the monorail to make it in time. Luckily we were just in time. (In Romy's words with just a few adjustments from me. We were welcomed by ushers in "English" type costumes and English accents (fake, I'm sure). We found our seats and within less than 2 minutes the show began with a bang! Colorful confetti shot out from the ceiling and the Beatles blared from the 6,341 speakers in the theatre that seats 2,013 people. It was awesome.

If you love the Beatles, you must go. Along with songs, they played a Beatles' Abbey Road recording session. The show told the story of the music, beginning with the war that nearly destroyed Liverpool, its rebirth, the hysteria of the Beatles, with the psychedelic and spiritual phases, and the break up. I loved it! I have never heard the Beatles played loud for an audience of 2,000 before and realized as any Beatles fan must, that the Beatles, though half of them are dead and the group is no longer together, that the music should be played for large groups of people still. The show was not your typical (less circus and more dance with circus mixed in) Cirques show, however the props and effects were interesting. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds was done with millions of twinkling lights that could not be seen before the show began and a diamond covered girl on a bungee cord. The stars sparkled and flashed and it was so cool that I almost couldn't stand looking at it, if that makes sense.

They played While My Guitar Gently Weeps which is one of my favorites and Blackbird was not performed by the Beatles, but spoken by the teacher of the uncoordinated birds. They never played the song, but just teased us with a few notes. I must admit this was a real disappointment for me. Blackbird is truly one of my favorite songs in the world. I suppose if the show had not otherwise been so fantastic I would be able to complain. But, I really can't, considering. They used projected images of the Beatles in both silhouette and as they really looked. It was awesome. I loved the music and the stories that the songs tell. If you're a fan of the Beatles and Cirque du Soleil, you must see this show. It is beautiful and made just for you. And although the tickets are a bit pricey, the "cheap" seats ar still very close to the stage. Erik and I sat in the mid-level seats and it was wonderful, well worth the money.

Thanks for helping me with that description Romy. I hope we can go see the show together sometime!

Besides "Love", Erik and I just relaxed, walked around, saw a low budget, but fun Vegas show, and played plenty of blackjack, both breaking even after hours of fun. We left to head to St. George on Christmas morning.


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Radiation Vacation

Today I finished my second day of "simulation". Monday wasn't too bad, but today was pretty long. Over the past two days I've been molded for my very own "nest", drawn on from my waist to jaw line, given a CT scan and plenty of x-rays, and am now sporting 5 new tiny tattoos. First day of actual radiation is tomorrow. Yikes. I'm nervous, but I'm sure once I start it will be much easier than anything I have anticipated.

Before radiation tomorrow I have my first yoga session, which I'm really looking forward to and secretly dreading too. I did a yoga video a few days ago for the first time in months and felt like I was literally going to break. Its definitely going to take some time to get up to speed. I'm pretty set up for my fitness quest actually. Mike's sister, Kate, and brother-in-law, Dwayne, offered up a really nice elliptical machine, weight bench, weights, body ball, and workout dvd's for me to use while I'm here and Dwayne delivered it all last night. So, that, along with the treadmill I already have, and I'm truly set up with my own home gym. I am so lucky to have such great people in my life. I have this beautiful home to live in, a wonderful friend to live with who never stops giving to me, a home gym, an excellent radiation doctor, an angel of a friend taking care of my house and my babies, etc, etc, etc.

The few days prior to coming to Anchorage were among some of my toughest that I can recall. I was in a funk to say the least. I share this simply to also share that I'm not in that funk anymore. I follow a flow and find myself under the waves and in no time at all, right on top of the waves, while hardly recognizing either scenario until its finished. Although I've been going through this flow for 8 months now, I still have a hard time recognizing. . . or rather accepting how difficult and how great it all is.

Life is far too sweet to stay under the waves, but now and then there just seems to be no escaping it. Sometimes it really feels like I better just hold my breath and kick like hell to get back on top and other times it feels as if I hardly do a thing, but I'm still propelled back to the top because of all the goodness around me. Yes, this life is sweet. . .

Holiday Break, part one

I had a wonderful holiday trip from Dec. 17th to Jan. 3rd. My first stop was Boise where I spent 5 days with Jim, Nikki, and Emmett. Thanks again for having me. I love you guys and hope all is well. . .


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A moment at home

I arrived back to Nome yesterday afternoon after flying all day and having a quick sleep over in Anchorage. Over the past two weeks I've been on the go with family and friends in Boise, Vegas, and St. George. Christmas week we had a family reunion and it was so awsome! Despite a little normal family stress I had a wonderful time. I hope everyone else did too! All the kids are getting so big and are really growing up to be great people. I'll get some pictures up soon. As usual, I was relieved to get home. Although it was scary cold at 24 degrees below zero, it was still pretty grand to be back in Nome. There is really nothing quite like this little place. The pace is so amazingly laid back, there are familiar faces at every turn, no traffic, and its where my home is. Seeing all my animals was the best. I truly do love their company. Its going to be so rough being away from them for 2 months. I'm here for just 3 more days before I head back to Anchorage, so I'm soaking up simply being at home and relaxing with my kids.

Its been just over a month since my last chemo treatment and the time off has been pretty darn great. I've almost forgotten even the roughest moments during the past 6 months. What a wonderful thing time is. It does seem to go by way too fast, but with it comes growth, shape, reinvention. . . and in my case, much welcomed memory loss.

I've been struggling a bit with some pain. I've been having some fairly serious neuropathy in my arms, hands, and feet. Its like when your hand falls asleep, but times about 20. It is hardest at night. This syptom is typical during chemo, and I did experience it a little, but it seems worst now. It started about 3 weeks ago and has gotten progessively worst. I pop Ibuprofen like candy and it helps most of the day, but at night I can't seem to find relief. Hopefully this will pass.

I'm heading back to Anchorage to begin what I've decided to call my "Radiation Vacation". I guess I'm just trying to put a positive spin on it. Although I'm not looking forward to being away from home and from my animals for so long, I am trying to see the good in the situation. What I've found is that I have this amazing opportunity to have almost nothing to focus on but me, myself, and I.

I won't be working, I won't have my house and all the distractions/responsibilities that come along with that, I won't have my animals and the chores that come with them, I won't have my familiar comfort zone that sometimes allows me to simply exist with almost no effort. . . . . What I will have is a short doctor appointment 5 days a week and TIME. More than I've ever really had. And with that time, I've set some goals for myself. Part of me wants to keep these goals to myself, but another part of me says that if I share them here it makes me even more accountable to them.

First and foremost my goal is to stay positive and well during radiation. I anticipate it being a much easier road than chemo, as it is for most, but I realize that there is still the possibility of tiredness and fatigue. I'm determined not to let that get me down. I figure even if those side effects hit me hard (like it seemed all the chemo side effects did), I will have plenty of time to take care of myself and rest if I need to. My hope is that I will have the energy (and I'm just about certain that I will) to also begin working toward some other goals.

The next big one for me is to really face my weight and health and start moving again. I've struggled with my weight for about 10 years now, going up and down several times and spending way too much time in give up mode. I've spent my entire 20's fat and I have almost given up the idea that I can be thinner and healthy. It seems so far away, now more than ever. The personal drama and defeat that comes with all this extra weight on my body is immense and I'm so tired of it! I want my 30's to be a different story.

I am going to really try to jumpstart my quest to trim down and be a healthier person this next two months by utilizing all this extra time I'll have to develop a routine that includes exercise, yoga, healthy eating, and meditation. Its far too easy for me to be too busy for all of these things. Although they are really important to me, I've certainly wavered with my commitment to them (i.e. to myself) through the years and I want it to change. With this "Radiation Vacation" I am being given the gift of time and a rare opportunity to get focused and committed just long enough that maybe I can form some new lifestyle habits that I can then carry on with more success. This is my hope. . . my goal. Please wish me luck!

Please keep me in your thoughts as I start this next road. I'll keep you posted about how things go. Monday is Tattoo day. Too bad its nothing fun. Oh well, I'll save a fun one for when this is all over.

I sure hope that you enjoyed the holidays. Thank you to everyone who sent Christmas cards to me. Getting home to a mailbox full of all those great pictures and messages was a real treat! I wish you lots of joy in 2007!

Love, Sasha