Sasha's Window

Friday, April 27, 2007

Mission Accomplished

This is Sasha's friend Mike posting for her highness.

I am thrilled and relieved to report that Sasha had a successful surgery today and is resting more-or-less comfortably on the 5th floor of AK Native Medical Center. She had a 2 hour surgery this time, and finished about 2:30pm. I spoke to her surgeon, Dr.Sacco, whom she adores, who said everything went fine and she might be able to leave the hospital as soon as tomorrow.

Her mother, good friend Erik and I were hanging around the hospital to greet her when she came back to her room. Already she's been up and about a few times, is eating and feels much better than her surgery last year. She was enjoying a movie starring Marky-Mark Wahlberg as I left her room and her mom was massaging her legs with blueberry butter. She has a clear-sky sunny view of the Chugach Mountains and a relieved smile on her face. No doubt she was left in good hands.

Sasha's hopeful this recovery goes smoother and easier than last, and likely it shall since she didn't have to have extensive surgery to remove any nodes. She said I could post her room phone if anyone wants to call, I think she'll turn the phone off if asleep. (907)729-3892. Hopefully she'll be back to my house tomorrow and be lounging on the deck in the spectacular Spring weather we're having. My home number is (907) 929-0939 or call her cell.

Over and out. Cheers to Sasha!! We love you.

Clear Mammo

I had my pre-op mammogram on Wednesday and the results were good. All clear. This was such an amazing relief. Although I felt pretty confident that there wouldn't be any new cancer, there was still this sinking feeling as I went to the hospital and back into the radiology department where the real scare of cancer actually originated. Not only was I facing the horrible breast pancake moment again, but I was preparing myself for the possibility that the mammo results could spin me right back into square one again. But, (Big Sigh) it didn't. It felt really good to know that I could proceed with a proactive surgery and not another phase of "treatment."

As I lay here with only 8 or so hours left before my surgery I am at a loss for what this all means to me. In the midst of thinking about losing another breast (which still breaks my heart and scares me to no end), I am also thinking about jobs, moving, selling a house, buying a house, my pets, my family, my friends, my fat arse, and best of all, what I'm going to do when I grow up. Seriously. I can get all of these thoughts to rest sometimes and get myself to just be. But, other times, I'm flooded with all of it. I'm feeling horribly anxious, my stomach is in knots, I want to cry (and for a first, there are no tears), and there is nothing anyone can do about any of it. Just think some good thoughts if you remember to.

My mom will post a blog for me tomorrow with an update after surgery. I have such a fabulous surgeon and I'm sure all will be well.

Goodnight.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

10 days of BLISS!


Kapaa palm trees


April 7 to 17 was spent in Kauai, Hawaii with Mike, as well as friends from Arizona (previously from Nome), Pam, Steve, and Ella, who had her 5th birthday on the island. We shared a great house just a block off the beach that was super comfy. Great kitchen, outdoor grill, lanais, yard (complete with papayas and chickens), outdoor shower, etc.

Mike, Steve, Pam, and Ella at Polihale Beach


We were in the town of Kekaha, which is on the far south part of the island and is home to the longest white sand beach in Hawaii. The water was clean and cool and the beach stretched on for days. The tide fluctuated a lot so sometimes the swimming was great, other times I was pummeled by the waves. Even without stepping a foot in the water though, I love the ocean. The feel of sand under my feet, the sound of waves rolling (or crashing) in, the breeze, and the amazing feeling of space I get when being near it. We spent a lot of time just lazing on the beach, playing in the sand with Ella, swimming, reading, walking. The sun was hot and bright most days, but we also had a few, welcome, clouds and showers. Last year during this same time, there were record breaking downpours. It rained for something like 42 days straight. There was flooding, plenty of damage, and even some casualties. Very sad. We all felt really lucky for the wonderful weather we had.

Mike and Ella watching Charlotte's Web


The first day we were there was Easter so we did a little Easter Egg hunt with Ella, which was fun. The very next day we celebrated another event, Ella's 5th birthday.

Ella just after her Easter egg hunt


I also went scuba diving. It was not the most amazing dive I've ever been on, but it was really nice and I got to swim with turtles for the first time. They are so cute under the water and don't seem to be shy of humans. The biggest turtle I saw seemed as big as a car, but in retrospect it was probably only as big as me. His head was huge though and we were nearly nose to nose at one point and there was just the sweetest look in his eyes. Very, very cool! The guys I went diving with had nice underwater cameras and got some pictures of me with the turtles, so I'll post that up if it ever gets emailed to me.

Kailua Lighthouse and nearby island



Another solo trip I had was sky diving. It was amazing! The first day I tried to go was cloudy and after several hours just hanging around the drop zone watching the sky, I was told it wasn't going to happen.


I was pretty bummed out, but the next day, I tried again, and it was perfect with a blue, sunny sky, and no wind. My tandem master was a great guy and made the trip really fun. He wore a camera on his arm so I have a video of the whole thing. If I could post it, I would, but I think its a little more than Youtube can handle. The only really scary part was actually getting out of the plane. You step out on the wing and just jump. I don't know what else you're supposed to do, but somehow even then, as I was putting my feet out on the little ledge it didn't quite make sense that I was actually going to jump out of the airplane. It was a mixture of fear and anxiety that was gone in and instant when I found myself flipping out of the plane and staring down at one of the most beautiful views I've ever seen. I was screaming and laughing the entire way. When the tandem master pulled the shoot I felt like I had the chance to breathe again. I was able to calm down a little and just soak in the ride. I was absolutely on sensory overload though and as soon as I finished, I felt like I needed/wanted to do it again, just so that I could actually feel it. I was overwhelmed with so many different feelings that I almost felt as if I'd missed something when I was done. Its hard to explain. All I know is that I will be doing this again!

Jesse, Dave, Scotty, and Mark, my tandem master


Mike joined me for a kayak trip on the Wailua river. It surprised me by its size and swamp like feeling. I mean it was still beautiful, but it sort of made me feel like what it must be like in Louisiana or something. Mike and I both had the feeling that a crocodile was going to pop up any minute. We did a short 5 mile paddle to a swimming hole with a rope swing and cliff to jump from. It was a great day, but the kayak trip was a little more mellow than I had hoped.


Mike and I also went on a really gorgeous horseback ride. We rode on a bluff overlooking some amazing coral reefs. I love horses and always enjoy being around them, but I have to admit, this too was more mellow than I prefer. A very slow walk without even a glimpse of a trot. I guess I just need a little more action.


On my own, I also took a drive up Waimea canyon, which is referred to as Hawaii's Grand Canyon. It was smaller than the Grand Canyon, but definitely was very similar, just much greener.




One thing I couldn't drag anyone else to was the Kauai All-Girls Rodeo. So, I had Mike drop me off and I'm glad I did. It was a beautiful ranch overlooking the ocean and filled with Hawaiian families and cowgirls. I had a great time watching the rodeo and just observing an actual community event, rather than a tourist attraction. And, while watching the rodeo I caught a glimpse of two of the few remaining whales out in the ocean. It was actually one of the highlights of my trip. I topped the day off by doing some more resort crashing, this time at the Hyatt. It was fantastic! I also took a long walk on the sidewalk that runs along the ocean in front of all the fancy hotels. I felt like I was trespassing, and I suppose I was, but maybe that is what made it so fun.



All of us got out together for a boat trip up the Na Pali coast, which is the side of the island that you can only get to by boat. It was spectacular. We were able to stop for some snorkeling and more swimming with turtles too.








Pam and I had a great day on our own while the guys were hiking and Ella was in camp. We shopped, had a nice lunch, went snorkeling in what felt like an aquarium, and did a little resort crashing at the Sheraton. The snorkeling was particularly awesome. We went to a popular spot in Poipu and immediately started kicking our way out past the other people. Between our kicking and the strong current carrying us, we ended up past the second or third wave break. By the time we put our heads up we realized we had gotten a little ahead of ourselves. We had to work pretty hard to get back in and when we did, we sort of ended up washing ourselves up onto a rocky shore on a small sandy cove that seemed to be someone's private beach yard (if that is even possible). We just sat there for a while and died laughing at our pseudo iron man training. What were we thinking? What really made us laugh though was when we walked back to the main beach area to snorkel a little more and realized that within 10-20 feet from the shore there were TONS of fish. It was so funny!

In general, I was a little more enthusiastic about getting out and doing things than my friends and was actually teased a little that I can't seem to sit still for very long. I thought about that and realized that I've sort of been "sitting still" for 10 months now and I just really wanted to enjoy my new found energy! Although more time would have been great, I think we had just enough to be able to enjoy time together, opportunities to do our own thing, and lots of room to just RELAX. I'm really grateful to have had the time and energy for this trip and I came home with pretty brown skin and a definite feeling of renewal. Thank you so much Mike, Pam, Steve, and Ella for being my friends and for sharing in this trip with me. I am truly grateful to have you in my life!


One last thing I must say about Hawaii. If you have the opportunity to go to a Luau, DON'T. I was excited about it and although Mike wasn't, agreed to come along with me. It was underwhelming to say the least! It is definitely made for the tour bus kind of traveler. There were several hundred people, a fair buffet, and an ultra cheesy (and long) performance. I guess I was just expecting something much smaller, a party, maybe a few hula dancers and a fire pit. Anyway, it was far from that. It was contrived just for the person who has money to waste and wants to believe they had an authentic Hawaiian experience. I'm actually a little embarrassed I was there.


One redeeming factor in our experience was the beautiful grounds. Mike and I did have a nice little walk through some gorgeous landscaping filled with lots of peacocks. Mike was convinced they must be on steroids or something because they kept they're feathers fanned out a lot. I wonder? Does anyone know what makes peacocks do that? Is it a defense thing? They were still really beautiful and I just hope they aren't tortured for the tourist's benefit.


I'm home for just one week, which is now half over. My mom flew into Nome on Saturday morning and on Wednesday, we'll fly together, back to Anchorage. She is here for my surgery, but had the chance to come in early to enjoy a few days with me before the messy medical stuff. On Wednesday I'll have a pre-op mammogram to ensure there is nothing new on my films. As long as the mammo comes back clear, I will follow through with a prophylactic (preventative) mastectomy on my right side. This was a decision I did not initially make for a variety of reasons. But, given the time that I've had to process it and the experiences I've had through 8 months of treatment, I feel confident about this proactive step toward preventing a breast cancer occurance. Confident or not though, I am still really dreading it. My first surgery was truly one of the worst experiences of my life and the thought of going through that again makes me physically ill. I need your positive thoughts and energy so please keep them coming. I know that I will get through this and I know that as awful as surgery can be, the pain is time limited and I will be through it again before I know it. Provided my mammogram is clear (which I'm sure it will be), I will not have to have any lymph nodes removed, which will change the face of recovery a great deal. I was sort of out of commission for about 5 weeks last time and this time it sounds like it should only be 2-3 weeks.

Other news. . . the snow is melting, the sun is shining from 6:30am to 12:30am, my cats are huge, I'm pondering job opportunities in the Anchorage area, and I'm already looking forward to my next vacation, this time with my girlfriend Romy. We'll meet up in June in Juneau for a ferry trip in Southeast Alaska, new to both of us.

I'd love to see comments on your latest news or adventure too if you have a moment.

Peace and Love,

Sasha