i still think he's a jackass

after three days and countless looks in the mirror to check out my new tattoo i'm still stuck with this pervasive thought of what a jackass the tattoo artist was. actually he cannot be called an artist. he was a dude doing a job, not someone with any passion for art or working with someone carefully on creating something meaningful together. i'm trying so hard not to be pissed off. . .actually i guess i'm not pissed off, just disappointed. nolan and i have talked about getting a tattoo together for a long time, but haven't been able to come up with something until now.

i brought nolan an early christmas present over thanksgiving weekend that sparked an idea for the tattoo. i got him an ammonite, which is a fossilized shell that once housed a squid like creature. its something like 68 million years old i think. anyway, once petrified, it was sliced in half to reveal the beautiful work of mother nature. perfect geometry and amazing natural colors.

for several years nolan has been sort of obsessed with the fibonacci sequence. . .also known as the golden section or the divine proportion. if you start with the numbers numbers 0 and 1, and make a list in which each new number is the sum of the previous two, you get a list like this:
0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144, ... to infinity-->

this is known as the fibonacci series and can be observed in nature with the growth patterns of plants and shells. nolan's love of this sequence has something to do with asthetics, but more to do with the fact that it is a symbol of nature, a beautiful example of what occurs without any influence from man. i find meaning in this personally for its beauty, the connection to nature that it symbolizes, and most importantly because my little brother loves it.

so, back to the tattoo. after giving nolan the ammonite it wasn't long before we were talking about getting it as a tattoo. the next day we scoped a few shops and checked out some portfolios. we settled on a place that seemed right. unfortunately, our tattoo dude turned out to be a cocky, disrespectful, pervert! nolan went first and was really happy with how it turned out, despite the fact that the guy with the needle was totally gross to say the least. i on the other hand was not that psyched about how his turned out. it did look good, but it didn't look anything like what we asked for. i told the guy that i wanted some very specific differences and he simply disregarded me, which of course i didn't know until after i spent an hour on the table.

soooooooooooooooooooooooo, the end result. . . . nolan and i have matching tattoos. nolan is pretty happy with his, and i'm working on getting there with mine. although it doesn't look like what we asked for, it does look pretty cool. i'm just trying to appreciate it for what it is and not harbor resentment for the jackass that didn't listen. can you tell i'm having a hard time? but, when you get a tattoo you take the risk that it may not end up exactly like you want so i can't be too upset. what i do love about it is that nolan and i got it together and will share that forever.

i have one more day of training here in oklahoma city. i was planning to stay a couple of extra days to check things out around here, but i'm not feelin' it at all and have decided to head home as early as i can, which is friday afternoon.

i'll post pics of the tattoos when i get home. . .

it suddenly hit me

when i was driving down the road rushing around doing errands on my lunch hour. i felt my eyes well up with tears . . .

its been a year. . .

a year ago today I recieved my last chemo dose. in an instant i felt this surge of emotion and flashback of jumbled memories. the tears were not really sadness though. yes, i do still feel sad at times, but it is nothing like it was this time last year. today, the tears were just a release. . . a release of emotion that needed to leave my body.

a year later, almost 3 inches of curly brown hair, a new home, a new job, a new life. . . and working on a new me. . . i can't believe i really did what i did. its like a dream, literally. there are parts that are really clear, but a lot more parts that are sort of just a fog.

today, i celebrate my 1 year chemoversary. . . i celebrate this life with all the good and the bad. i celebrate my family, my friends, my dogs . . . i celebrate the love i have in my heart and i celebrate NOT being scared everyday. most of all i celebrate this feeling of hope that is finally emerging back into my life.

clam chowder and uploading

is what i'm eating and what i'm doing during my lunch hour today. here are a few house pictures at last.




Before. . .

Finally. . . a walk in the snow. . .

One of all the boys. . . Henry, Frank, Rosco, and Duke.


It took a while this year, but if this is any sign of what is to come, it was worth the wait. We are covered in lots of fluffy, gorgeous snow. Once again the city is white and sparkly and clean! Went for a nice walk today with my boys as well as Erik and his boys. Mike went skiing today and said it was absolutely perfect, complete with about 6 moose sightings. Wish I had some pictures of that. Maybe next weekend. . .

Hat Hair. Isn't it Fab!

Frank is in a Mamahawk original.

I have a little video I shot today too, but am too tired to post it at the moment. Maybe I'll get to it tomorrow. I have been meaning to post house pics too, which I'm shooting for this week.

thanks carol, but its not my doing,

the curls and the color that is. the awsome styling job, that is all me! its all been just an interesting surprise. i have to say that if these changes were up to me they would definitely be a little different. i am still rather baffled by the fact that your body can grow a completely different head of hair. i guess i just always thought that the color you were born with was what you got. and if it was straight, it would always be straight and vice versa for curls. obviously that isn't the case. i hear that "chemo curls" are pretty common and that they often grow out in time. anyway, enough about the hair, right? sorry for the tangent. see what you started mom.

anchorage is super late on getting snow. we have had a couple of teases, but nothing that has lasted even 24 hours. very uncommon. i'm ready for it. . .

duke went to the groomer today. i've never paid someone to wash him before, but he's been shedding terribly for over 2 months trying to get ready to grow a new undercoat and i have had it with the hair. i wash him and brush him and its doesn't seem to do anything but make him shed more. i heard that petco does a good de-shedding treatment so i thought i'd give it a whirl. glad i did. duke must be ten pounds lighter in hair alone. he's shiny and soft and smells so good. they cleaned his ears, clipped his nails and gave him lots of treats all day. they worked on him for over 5 hours. worth every penny of the $65 i paid.

i better stop babbling and get some sleep.

one more try

thought i'd give another try to share the curl joy. it really is crazy to be part of this process of growing a new and foreign head of hair.



oh and romy, i do sport a full on afro every night. i'm convinced that if i brush my hair it will grow faster. you know, the whole scalp massage thing. . . its supposed to stimulate growth. hmm? anyone who has curls knows that they just don't exactly mix with brushing. what is left after my nightly routine is a big puffy, not so curly, napolean dynamite-ish kind of look. by morning its a mangled mess of curls again, usually fashioned into a faux hawk from tossing around in the night.

can't wait to see you missy. . . tell cherie to call me would you. . .

because my mommy asked for it,

i am posting a recent picture of myself so show off my curls. woo hoo. be careful what you wish for. i was hoping for curls, but now have no idea what to do with them. monday is my late date at work so i don't go in until 10am and had some time to kill this morning.

its getting icy and cold, but the snow is still staying away. its wierd because i remember being here this time last year and there was tons of snow already. i wish it would get here already. i just feel like if its going to be cold it might as well be snowy too.

i finally got some pictures on the walls at my house this weekend. not many but a few and it feels good to have some familiar things up. also got a few more plants and they are warming up the living room a lot.

last week i unexpectedly was able to swing a trip to boise and slc for thanksgiving on my way to oklahoma city for a conference. i'm psyched to get to see my family again so soon.

tickets to alaska are still priced really good through the middle of november. if anyone is thinking about a trip this summer, now might be a good time to plan it. just let me know and i'll help with finding a ticket. you know i'd love to have you.

hope you're enjoying your fall. . . here i am. . .